Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
