I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wear drunk well.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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