Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
