we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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