i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
