Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
