Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Two words: nipple clamps
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