I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
