Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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