oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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