State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
