Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
