hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
