Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
