i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
