i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
