Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
