We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
