ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
