Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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