If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
