did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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