I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
