I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
