I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
