Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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