dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
