Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was confusing and full of hummus
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
