he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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