How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
