I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
