Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
