That's intense
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
