it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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