so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
