So drunk its hurt
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
