I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
