...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
