Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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