he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
