He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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