I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
