He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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