maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
