So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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