seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
