We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
