The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
