yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
