It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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