Duck Duck Cougar?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
