Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
