you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
