i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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