honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
