I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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